Monday, January 26, 2009

Do I need a "do over"

You know, I think I have been a pretty good mom to my kids.  So far, no one is on drugs or binge drinking.  I keep them near me most of the time.  I watch their association.  They know there is a God and his name is Jehovah.  They can all cook, bake, clean house and do their own laundry.  They know that money doesn't grow on trees no matter how many quarters we plant.  There is one thing that bothers me though.

The don't listen to me.  Oh, I know, everyone says their kids don't listen.  My kids mind us.  They will call or come to us for advice and then DO JUST THE OPPOSITE.  I have seen issues with my oldest for awhile now.  Depression and mood disorders run in my family.  I could see she was headed there.  Finally last night I told her she really needs to see a doctor and maybe get on a little something to help her mood swings.  

She was here over the weekend with her boyfriend and their son.  I don't think I once heard her call her boyfriend by name.  She called him by several profanities.  No matter what he did or what he tried it was wrong and she hollored at him.  I told her this is not normal.  She said "he's an ass he deserves it, he's cheated on me before."

So, leave him.  Move on.  Don't bicker and fight with your son around.  I made her mad.  She has not called me all day.  This is a girl that calles me about 10 times each day.  

I asked my husband what I have done wrong.  My kids do not seem grateful for all that I do for them.  I drive 30 miles one way to take my son to his classes.  He gets out, slams the door and heads for the school.  No, thanks for the ride mom.  Many days, since it is such a drive with the traffic I find a place to park and wait, sometimes up to four hours.  Does he have consideration to come out as soon as class is over. No, he has to finish this or that or talk to this one or that one.  

I just don't get it.  I have tried my best to teach them and yet things seem to come back at me.  

So, there is a new lil' one on the way.  Aiden will arrive some time in May.  My kids don't seem excited.  They keep telling me "with you as a mom boy is this kid  doomed."  

My kids always had new clothes on their backs.  Treats (most of the time home made) after school when they were younger, they got all the latest toys and gadgets sometimes even when we couldn't afford them.  I cooked dinner every night.  (now that they are older they help from time to time).  We have cable and internet (although I am mean and limit what they can watch.. no rated R and I have a program that blocks junk on the internet).  They tell me I am too strict but they are very loved.  I tell them daily I love them.  There are kids that would just LOVE a mother like me... so why do I feel inadequet?  

I wonder, will I be a good mom for Aiden?  I want to do my best.  I want to be a stay at home mom.  I want homeschool him.  I think that many of the issues my kids have gone through has alot to do with what they have been exposed to in school.  It's so full of junk these days.  

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